Month: May 2016

Home Education

image

Such a shame that certain people cannot see it this way. How sad it would be if all children were forced to be the same. My experience at school wasn’t brilliant, but that hasn’t shaped my feelings on the education system.  The ‘one size fits all’ attitude has. The continous testing of children, the severe lack of spaces and the lack of one on one time has shaped my feelings on this. As a child I learnt far more outside of school than I did inside. I had a thirst for knowledge. I wanted to learn at my own pace and not be forced to rush or to be told what I had to learn.
My children are learning at their own pace. I guide them. My son is incredibly bright and has that same desire to seek answers, that same thirst. My daughter has less interest in the boring written side of education but absolutely loves to watch and learn. She’s a smart girl who learns through seeing things. YouTube videos have been fantastic for her!
My children are very different in how they learn, and how quickly they learn.
No two children will ever be the same.

x N x

Crying

I just read a brief story of a woman who’s baby sadly passed away from SIDS(Sudden infant death ), aged 9 weeks. Jack is 9 weeks today.  He’s in his bed, which is in my bedroom. I can hear his tiny baby breaths as I type.  Tears are rolling down my face.
I am trying my hardest not to imagine it, but you know…
What if? He’s 9 weeks old just like that woman’s baby girl. He’s healthy and strong but then it’s not called sudden infant death for no reason. 
My heart goes out to all parents who have lost their beautiful babies. I can’t even begin to imagine how it must feel.

Jack, my beautiful baby boy, whom I love so much more than simple words can convey. My little lump.  My amazing blue eyed son. I feel terrible for saying it but I struggled with pregnancy during the first 5 months.  I couldn’t see how I’d cope with baby number 8. My body had been through so much as it is, how was I supposed to do it all again? I was tired. I’d just started feeling confident in myself again.  My anxiety had eased off. I had a good routine at home with the kids. The mister was away with work a lot so felt lonely without him. It was as though I was a single mum again. Being pregnant and alone is no fun. I’d been there before. 
I was scared. I was hoping to have my life back! But there was this life growing inside of me. It wasn’t until he was born that I fell in love with him. The second I held his squishy body to my chest, kissed his slimy face, I knew I was completely in love.
Life without Jack would be empty. He’s my darling boy.

I love you , Jack. You’re my sweet baby boy. I get annoyed over the silly things,and I’m sorry for that.  I should be thankful that these things are happening because out there will be mums and dads who would love to be in my position. I suppose we take it for granted that our children will always be there. Maybe now is the time to start appreciating these moments and not be so annoyed by them.

x N x

Wedding Post!

It’s getting closer. I’m totally prepared for this! The wedding folder has more information than a phone book, and I’m working on fitting into my dress !

image

The nerves have been replaced with excitement. My entrance music has been chosen. The cake has been designed.  The children’s outfits have been sorted. The Mister is getting his suit very soon. 

x N x

Out With The Old

I’ve been on a mission to clear out lots of items in our house. Have you ever looked at your home and thought “Why do we even have half of this stuff?!” .
Mostly it’s things that we don’t even use, or need. So I’ve been giving lots away to others who could make use of it. It’s amazing how a declutter can improve your mood ☺
Going to paint two bedrooms too. All this and just 10 weeks before our wedding! 

I definitely must be crazy 😛

x N x

It Was All So Easy Back Then

I have seen a fair few people rant about how hard it is having a child.  Just one child. 
Now , this is in no way a complaint to these people. It’s more of an observation with some advice thrown in.
It’s hard being a parent no matter how many children you have, but if I had £1 for every time I’ve thought “I wish I could go back to having just the one” , I’d be able to buy myself a new home! Of course I don’t wish I’d never had my subsequent babies.  I love them dearly, but once you’ve had more than one child you pine for the old days.

One child means you have an easier time finding a babysitter. You have more freedom.  You have less chance of being followed into the bathroom. You can leave the house relatively easy. It doesn’t take you the night before to prepare a multitude of baby bottles , snacks, drinks , clean clothes… You can have a smaller car. You don’t have to remember a mass of birthdays! You won’t get names mixed up! Night feeds don’t require ninja skills to ensure you don’t wake other children up. It’s cheaper! Making meals is so much easier.  Planning an event requires less effort. It’s quieter at home :p

Right now I’m awake with the baby.hes refusing to settle after his night feed. I’ve been awake for well over an hour and the chances of getting back to bed are becoming very slim.  Which means my day has started at 3.30am. With two toddlers and 3 older children added to the mix it’s quite easily going to be a crappy day. Plus it’s Sunday.  The mister is fast asleep (I hate him!) and completely ignoring that I’m having to do this.
Looking back to when I had just the one baby I feel a sense of sadness.  I took it all for granted, the going out more and how easy it was to sleep during the day when she would sleep.  I never knew just how hard it was going to get.
If you have just the one child (and planning more ) don’t focus on how tough it is. Believe me, it’s really bloody easy right now!  You’ll see…
Enjoy having that time. Make the most of being able to leave the house for trips to the park. Enjoy doing your shopping with just the one little person. Night feeds won’t be anywhere near as hushed and rushed.
Just enjoy it

x N x

No Mum

For the past two years I have lived my life without a mum of my own. This is through choice.  She’s alive and still living in the town I grew up in.
The thing about that town is that it’s toxic to me.  Too much had happened there long before I moved away. And I truly believe much more was to come had I not left.
So 3 years ago I moved away. Best decision ever! A year later I visited my family to say my goodbyes. I felt I owed them that much. I’m never returning to see them. We no longer speak  (again , through my choice ). Why? That’s a long story! I spent too much time being afraid of my family, and not a moment of feeling loved.
So I’m motherless. And that makes me sad. I feel as though I’m missing out on something. I don’t miss her specifically, more that I miss the idea of what she should have been to me. This feeling has made me want to be the best mum I can be to my own children. The thought of them leaving me , like I did to my mum, is horrible. It is making me question if what I do is enough.  Could I do more? Could I be more? 
So I wrote a letter to my mum.  I’ll never post it to her though.

x N x

Depression

Someone I love very much has it. It’s hard work watching them go through it. Mentally and physically I feel drained. I’m not even sure if I can be around enough to help them through it. I have had many a moment where I have cried in private over this. I’ve had plenty of anger inside me when this person had refused to seek help.  The nasty words that came from them broke my heart.  Yet I’m still here trying to be supportive.
But I need support too. I can’t look after everyone and not look after myself.  I’m tired, so tired…

If you are going through this as well just know that you aren’t alone.

x N x