I debated whether I should write this,let alone post it! I need to show what life is really like,though. It isn’t all happy smiles,walks in forests with puppy dogs and holding hands.It isn’t well behaved,happy kids. It’s shit! It is screaming at each other for a full 5 minutes because for those 5 minutes you genuinely hate each other. It is kids complaining,bitching,whining. It is knowing that the person you married is a selfish pig.
My marriage is horrible.I do hate it. Since I woke up up the day after I married him I have been waiting for the fun stuff,the crazy love,the amazing feeling inside that I made the best decision ever. I’m still waiting. I don’t enjoy being married. It is more like a curse. I have lost count how many times I have suggested separation,and divorce. We have spent many nights apart due to arguments.In the 6 months I have been married I honestly cannot say I have loved a moment of it. If I could turn the clock back I’d say ”I don’t”. Some marriages are fantastic,some are OK,some are built on lies. Mine is just pure awful.
What I do know is that all marriages are hard work. I stupidly went into this thinking it shouldn’t be difficult to keep a marriage going when you love each other,but that’s just utter rubbish. It is hard work. When you spend more time wishing you hadn’t married someone then maybe it is time to quit. Nobody wants to quit,though. Nobody likes to be the failure. Not every day is terrible(when he isn’t home I feel good),but when it is always there at the back of your mind,feeling as though you just want out,then you do have to wonder if it is worth carrying on.
So,now what? I have poured my heart out on my blog about how I really feel. What do I do next? Probably the same as I always do…
Ignore it and hope it’ll just magically get better.
x N x